It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you didnt know i had herpes?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
