At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize