He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
