Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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