bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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