Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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