Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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