You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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