i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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