so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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