just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
