Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
