i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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