Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize