ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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