I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
