Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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