it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
