Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
