I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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