seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
