I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
