Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
