dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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