The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
