I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
