I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
