party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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