i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
