those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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