I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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