Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
