I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
