If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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