I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
