Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
