Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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