i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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