I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
