So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
