Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
40s are totally the cure
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
