dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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