I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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