I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We got so high we made milksteak
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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