i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
