I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
