I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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