that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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