I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
