Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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