Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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