Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
