I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
