I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
