My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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