Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
