So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
