I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
