well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
