So drunk its hurt
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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