she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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