So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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