Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
