Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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