if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
smell my finger.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize