so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
