it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
