Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
