I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize