So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this just has baby written all over it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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