Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
