Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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