woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Couch. On fire.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
