I think I won the penis lottery.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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