I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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