my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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