you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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