ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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