I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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