I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
