guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
